


100 Reasons To Kiss Your Boyfriend

by Sassy_the_Orange_Helicopter



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: 100 ways, Angst, Asexual Character, Coming Out, Crack, Cute, Dorks in Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Homophobic Language, I hate myself, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, Maybe - Freeform, Multi, Nightmares, Other, also tons of fluff, is there plot, please help, teeth-rotting, there might be throwing up but idk, this is my first story on here help, wtf even is this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-04 22:40:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 9,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14030391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassy_the_Orange_Helicopter/pseuds/Sassy_the_Orange_Helicopter
Summary: “But, no homo.”“Ethan!”





	1. 1. To Say Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just some tooth-rotting morning fluffffffff

When Mark woke up, all he could smell was the warm and familiar smell of pancakes cooking on the oven.

Whenever Ethan cooked for Mark, he was always in a good mood for the rest of the day. Of course, he always was in a good mood, but it just made everything better.

Mark stumbled out with a smile. He came upon the everyday scene-Ethan dancing around the kitchen and singing his song.

He looked so genuinely happy and joyful and just... God, Mark loved that boy with all his heart.

“Hey, babe,” Mark whispered into Ethan’s ear, making him squirm when he placed his cold hands on his hips. He chuckled.

“Marky!” Ethan whined, giggling. “Don’t do that.”

Mark pecked Ethan on the neck. Everything was right with the world in that moment.

“No homo, right?”

“Ethan!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so no one will probably ever read this but if you are, this will eventually have plot but this was just a beginning


	2. 2. To Come Out At An Inconvenient Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AhHHHhhhHhhHhhhhh

“So, I bet you’re all wondering why we brought you down here.”

Ethan and Mark were sitting together on the floor in front of a row of Tyler, Kathryn and Amy from left to right.

“Uh, yeah,” Tyler sort of rolled his eyes. “You gave us a shit-ton if work to do and then you tell us to, and I quote, ‘Get our asses over here, it’s important.’”

The older of the two scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry. But it is important!”

“Like, super important,” Ethan added, nodding. Then he burst out laughing.

“Dude, breathe.” Mark patted Ethan on the back, and decided it was probably better if he just talked over him. “So, uh, we’re dating. And I’m asexual.”

Tyler made short, confused eye contact with Kathryn. 

“So... you’re like...” Kathryn started. “A plant...?”

Ethan was sent into another fit of laughter, but this time it made sense.

“No!” Mark laughed. “It means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone. Ever.”

“Wait, so you invited me down here just to mask what you were doing?” Amy questioned. “Because I already knew.”

“Well, you didn’t know about the whole asexual thing...”

Amy chuckled fondly. “I mean, I could’ve guessed.”

Trying to catch his breath, Ethan leaned onto Mark’s shoulder.

“Well, I still won the bet anyway,” Kathryn shrugged. “Pay up, Ty.”

“No, you bet that they would kiss, not that they were dating,” Tyler stated confidently.

And, just to piss Tyler off, Mark grabbed his boyfriend’s small face and brought his lips to Ethan’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based off of my coming out as ace and my friend was like “... you’re crazy” because she thought i meant that thing where plants grow babies out of their arms. i mean i don’t identify as ace anymore but it was still hella funny


	3. We’re At A Carnival In A Little Nowhere Town So Why Not Make It Cheesy With A Ferris Wheel Kiss?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beep bop on the ferris wheel

Honestly, if Mark knew he was going to get his arm ripped out by Ethan today, he probably wouldn’t have gone to the fair.

But he didn’t know that. So now, he was listening to Ethan’s rambles while he pulled him around, stopping at a few places to check out the sound sensitive light up masks and homemade iPhone chargers.

The chickens and rabbits had been Ethan’s center of attention almost all day. He said looking at the pigs made him sad because they were all alone.

It was actually really cute.

Now, he was on a sugar high from all of the cotton candy, and was pushing Mark with his forehead in line for the ferris wheel. 

“Oh, and then Sean told Felix, ‘that’s gay.’” Ethan snorted. Mark had no idea what he was talking about, but he went along with it and chuckled.

“Excuse me, sirs, you’re next!” The man in charge of the wheel said. He had a smile on his face that clearly said, ‘I know everything you’re trying to hide.

Ethan bounced on the balls of his feet. Mark liked this place. No one felt the need to come up to him to ask for an autograph. It took a lot of the pressure off of Ethan, and it let him be himself, his bouncy, jumpy self.

“Keep your head and hands inside the cart at all times.” He put the bar down over their laps. “And remember, no rocking the cart.”

They were suddenly going up, and Mark felt sick to his stomach. Ethan was enjoying himself, kicking his feet and looking at all the lights and the rides.

“Hey, look,” Ethan pointed down at a small kid’s ride of airplanes. “That orange one’s named Sassy. It’s you!”

Mark laughed and leaned his head onto Ethan’s shoulder. Their hands intertwined again, and Ethan’s palm was sweaty, and it was a little gross but it was them.

Neither of them would ever want it any other way.

The buzz of Ethan’s phone sounded, and he shifted to grab it from his pocket.

“What is it?”

“Gotta keep your heterosexual internet persona going. Amy wants a picture of you.”

Stubbornly, Mark made an over-exaggerated frowning face.

“C’mon, smile!” Ethan grinned, and oh God, if Mark wasn’t so scared someone find out he’s make that his wallpaper right now.

“Nope.” Mark frowned.

Ethan leaned over and pressed his nose to Mark’s. “Boo-oop!”

Mark tried for a few seconds but then his face cracked into the biggest smile. Ethan snapped a photo and Mark cursed.

“Haha, I beat you.” Ethan tapped on his phone. “I’m so making that my lockscreen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beep boop
> 
> edit: this was based off me with my exgirlfriend. it was a great time and we even had our first kiss that night :) i miss that.


	4. 4. I’m Bored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wowie

Mark flopped down onto Ethan’s lap, huffing in utter boredom.

“Pay attention to me.” Mark whined, pulling on Ethan’s collar. “Pay attention to me, not your phone.”

The boy’s eyes didn’t stray from his phone screen, scrolling through tumblr.

“Come on, don’t you love me?”

No response.

“Do I have to suck you off to get your attention? In that case, i have some news-“

“Stop, stop, alright.” Ethan turned to Mark. “What do you want to have for dinner?”

“Mmm, frozen waffles,” Mark said, shrugging. “I just want to eat together and hug you forever.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is gonna go real downhill real quick at about 20 so prepare urselves


	5. 5. I Have Nothing To Hide (At Least, Nothing Bad)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet here comes the long chapters also there’s no kiss in this just an “i love you”

“Hey, Ethan? Sean’s coming to town soon.”

This was news to both men; neither of them have seen Jack in so long, they were starting to forget his name.

“Oh?” Ethan reached down and scratched behind Chica’s ears. 

“Yeah, just him, though. I think it’s for about a month or so.” Mark was near upside-down at this point, his legs up on the arm of the couch and his phone raised above his head.

Chica wagged her tail, swiveling her head from one man to the other, trying to understand why they weren’t next to each other. 

“I love you.” Ethan blurted.

“What was that for?” Mark chuckled.

The younger man’s face went red. “Nothing, I just don’t say it enough.”

—

A familiarly angry Irish voice rang across the airport the next day. Before they ran to the aid of their newly-landed friend, the two men shared a look of knowing.

“Stupid bastard of a machine.” Sean was struggling to grab the strap of his suitcase unlodged from the crease of the merry-go-round. “Oh, hey, Mark!” His voice was hoarse.

“Hey, having some trouble, man?” Ethan pulled the strap out easily.

Sean let out a strained whimper, rubbing his face with his hand.

“Come on, to the car, you’re so damn jet-lagged you’ll forget your name if you travel farther.”

—

“Thanks for letting me stay here, guys, it’s a real help.”

Mark nodded, biting into his pizza. “So, what are the plans for this week?”

“Why don’t you ask Ethan, he’s got a calendar!” Sean gestured to the boy, who was messily eating his pizza.

When he realized everyone was staring, his eyes moved from his pizza to his friends.

“What...? What’s wrong...?” 

“Go check your calendar, would’ya?” Sean scolded playfully with a smile.

Ethan squinted sarcastically at him, walking away. 

“You know, he’s quite cute.”

“Excuse me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me being all productive posting multiple chapters. anyways, here’s where the real plot starts because we get to have sean and tyler come in and screw everything up i’m excited >:))


	6. 6. I’m Concerned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha yeet

“What did I do?” Sean put his hands in the air in surrender.

“Nothing, it’s just,” Mark sighed. The stupid tight feeling in his stomach was back. He didn’t like it. “Me and Ethan are together.”

A gasp, then a small look around came from Sean. “Honestly, you could’a just told me!” He smiled, bumping Mark’s arm. 

He didn’t seem as energetic as earlier.

-

“Why do you seem so sad?” Ethan asked later, as all three were sitting on Mark’s couch. “Did I do something?”

Sean bumped Ethan with his forehead. “Nah. You did nothing wrong, buddy.”

“Then why’re you so sad?” Ethan whined, resting his head on top of Sean’s. “Is there something you two aren’t telling me?”

Mark glared at Sean when he almost said it. ‘Don’t you dare.’ He didn’t believe in telepathy or anything, but he hoped his message was getting through.

It did.

“It’s nothing, pwomise.” Sean said in a baby voice, the two continuing to play.

-

Later, Ethan seriously suspected something. Every time that Sean would open his mouth, Mark would send him a look that could easily kill.

“Hey, Markle Sparkle?” Ethan called from his room. Mark came running.

“Yes, my love?”

“Why’s Sean so mad at me?”

A small groan made its way through Mark’s fingers as he dragged his hands down his face in utter exasperation.

“He’s not... mad. At least not at you. Maybe me. Maybe both of us.” Mark sat down next to Ethan on the bed. “You have to promise not to tell Sean a word I tell you.”

An small pinky curled around Mark’s. “Pinky-promise.”

“Sean, sorta, kinda was talking about you earlier and I think he has a crush on you.”

“Wait, Sean? No way,” Ethan gasped, although he looked like he did in fact beleive it. “Wait, so he, like, said I was cute or something? The Jacksepticeye has a crush... on me. What the hell, now I’ve seduced both my idols, man, did I ever expect to be here, no sir...”

“Ethan,” Mark laughed. “You gotta promise to not change anything between you and Sean. It’ll make him feel bad.”

“I know.”

-

“Ethan, you spilled the popcorn.”

Everyone was lying practically on top of each other, watching a horror movie.

Ethan hates horror movies, but, apparently, his two friends love seeing him scream like a first-grader.

“I know I spilled it!” Ethan squeaked, burying his face into Mark’s back. “Just like that murderer guy just spilled that girl’s guts onto the sidewalk, Jesus Christ...”

“Don’t use the name of God in vain!” Mark fake teased.

“Shut up.” Ethan mumbled.

“Make me.”

“Jesus, get a room, you two.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah sorry for taking forever i forgot to save and it deleted


	7. 7. I Really Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse, Homophobia (This is in no way bashing Ethan’s family, I love you Mr. and Mrs. Nestor!! I just need plot and this is all fictional for the fun of it.) This takes place after Sean leaves. (Don’t worry, he’ll come back.)

Honestly, Ethan couldn’t remember what was happening.

It was all a blur, one big painful blur, where he said the two magic words hen his mom snapped, she just snapped, and everything went so wrong...

“I’m gay,” he’d said one day when he was visiting for his birthday. Two simple words.

Andrew had patted him on the back, his dad had nodded and went on with his dinner, asking him if he liked anyone. He said yes, they asked who, he told them Mark...

His mom stayed particularly quiet through this all. Scarily quiet. The kind of quiet that makes you shift in your seat and brace yourself.

“Momma?” Ethan whispered, then it happened.

And now, he was on his knees in the middle of the street, his clothes scattered on the leafy ground. So many leaves stuck to the open cuts down his arms.

“Go home!” His mom screamed to him like a dog, like he was never even her son, like he was so sub-human, and he knew this wasn’t his place anymore. 

This wasn’t his home.

LA was.

-

“What?! Ethan, where are you?”

He’d called Mark now that he was ready to board his plane in three hours. “I’m in a park. In Maine. I stayed at a hotel last night.”

Tears pricked at the corners of both men’s eyes, on complete different sides of the universe.

God, Mark seemed so far. Too far.

“Don’t worry, love, you’ll be home soon. You’ll be safe.”

Home. With Mark. In LA. That’s where he belongs, and he’s never leaving.

-

“Ethan...” Mark embraced the smaller man at the terminal. “I love you.”

“I love you, too...” Ethan sniffled into Mark’s shoulder.

The boys walked out to the car, hands intertwined, not really caring who saw.

It didn’t really matter anymore, anyway. Not after what Mark had planned.

-

He’d do it publicly. On a livestream that he’d set up after Ethan had called him yesterday.

That’s how they’d come out. That’s how their secret would leak. That’s how it would happen. 

-

“Oh, Mark!” Tyler sang, gesturing for Mark to get dressed. He was still in pajamas, which, surprisingly, actually consisted in clothes today!

Mark pecked Ethan on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”

Ethan nodded, continuing to tell his two female friends what had happened in Maine.

“Ugh, Mark, you’re disgusting.” Tyler gagged when he touched Mark’s greasy matt of hair. “Dude, how long has it been since you’ve showered?”

“...Since Ethan left for Maine...” Mark blushed. “Three days ago.”

His friend shoved him into the bathroom, laughing and arranging the flowers that were lying in a pretty boquet on the bed.

-

Mark walked out, wearing a suit with a red undershirt. 

‘The hell?’ Ethan thought. Maybe it was a Dark thing? 

Meh, he’s gotten used to his boyfriend’s weird tendencies, such as eating a ton of soup and never cleaning up his coffee mugs.

“Okay, turn on the camera,” Mark said, voice quivering. “Why are my hands shaking so badly?”

Tyler sent a meaningful look to Mark. ‘Just get on with it,’ he mouthed to him.

“Okay.” Mark started to laugh, which made Ethan laugh nervously.

“What’s going on?” He asked Amy, glancing at the camera.

“Just let him catch his breath.”

After a few minutes of more awkwardness giggles and Ethan being ultra-concerned, Mark finally shook his head and pulled something out of his back pocket.

“No.” Ethan giggled, staring at the camera. “I’m being... you’re trying to bam-boozle me, stop!” He said in his squeaky nervous voice.

“Just shut up and listen!” Mark laughed, getting down on one knee. “Ethan Nestor, you’ve been my boyfriend for almost three years now...”

“No. No no no, no way, no way you actually...” Ethan screamed and turned around, covering his face.

“It’s been really fun cuddling you and kissing you and being totally grossly romantic with you, but...” He opened the box and tapped his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Hey... look at me.”

Ethan turned around, peeking at the absolutely beautiful ring. “That’s so pretty.” 

“Will you marry me?”

A small nod and a whole bunch of squealing and hugging and everything. Ethan felt so overwhelmed.

“So, what do you want to tell everyone?”

“I only married him for the ring.” Mark looked false offended, and Ethan snorted. “Just kidding. I love you!”

“I love you, too.” Ethan’s phone rang. It was his mom. “Don’t.”

“Mark, what if it’s Andrew? Or dad?”

“Well, they should call from their own phones, then.” Mark whispered. “No risking it.”

“Okay.” Ethan nodded, and muted his phone for the rest of the stream, admiring his ring and his beautiful fiancé.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idrk what’s gonna happen throughout this but i kinda have a vague idea


	8. 8. It’s Sad That You’re Unsafe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of past abuse & homophobia, crossdressing

Ethan started to get fidgety in front of his camera one day, doing his laundry with his fans.

Mark, being the overprotective boyfriend he is, walked in with Ethan to help him with it.

“Mark, this is my livestream,” Ethan groaned, making no effort to push him away. “Don’t distract me when I’m finally being productive!”

“Oh, I’ll help you.” Mark picked up some of his socks and started folding them. “Do your fans know? We might wanna...”

“My fans watch you, too,” Ethan said, glancing at his computer. “Never mind. Apparently I am actually my own YouTuber.”

“@lemons: i don’t know what u two are talking about tell us

@softyboyo222: omg they’re engaged ughhhhhhhhhhh

@dabombmine: wait they’re gay ewwwwww

@what.even.is.my.life: honestly @dabombmine are you 8 lol leave”

“Yeah, we’re engaged. Go watch Mark’s video.”

The taller male leaned his head on Ethan’s. “Uh, softyboyo222 asks, ‘do you have any plans for the wedding?’”

“Should we do it in a barn?” Ethan asked. “Or in a field?”

“We can’t do it in a church, that’s for sure.” Mark snorted. “We need to hurry up with it, though, before our rotten orange of a president makes it illegal again.”

“I know a cool place up in Oregon, near the Columbia? Hat Rock?”

“How do you know these places?”

“I might have done a lot of research as a young fanboy.”

-

They had a plan. It’d be at the place that Ethan had recommended. Even though there were a ton of ducks, and it was real far away, it was really aesthetically pleasing.

The flowers on the apple trees bloom in the spring, so they guessed it was lucky that it was February.

-

Mark and Ethan were shopping for clothes one day. Mark sorted through the suits, hand on his chin.

“I think you’d look cute in the blue undershirt, don’t you?”

Ethan shrugged, running his fingers over the soft fabric. “I don’t... I don’t care.”

After they left and were relaxing at home, Mark could sense the tension in Ethan’s shoulders. He rubbed his hands over his shoulders.

“What’s wrong, lovey?”

“This isn’t what I want,” Ethan sobbed, leaning into Mark’s arm. “I-I want...”

“What is it?” Mark rubbed Ethan’s hand, only slightly panicked. “What is it you want? I’ll get it for you.”

“No, it’s weird.” Ethan only cried harder into Mark’s shoulder. “It’s weird an-an my momma will be upset...”

“Fuck your mom, I want you to be happy,” Mark growled, placing a sweet kiss on Ethan’s cheek. “What is it?”

“I-I... I wanna wear a dress.”

-

“Do you like this one?” Andrew asked, standing in the mirror with his little brother. “I like the colors.”

“I do too.” Ethan messed with the fringe on the waist. “Do you think the fans will think it’s pretty?”

“Does it really matter?”

“No.” Ethan sighs. “I don’t really like the shoulder, though. It’s too puffy.”

“Okay. Let’s try on another.”

After about an hour, Ethan found one that he thought he’d like.

“Okay, Ethan, you ready to come out and show me?” Andrew asked. This whole thing was kind of new to him, but if the little guy was happy, then who was he to judge?

No answer. Andrew knocked on the dressing room door. “You alright?”

Ethan walked out, his eyes rubbed red. It looked like he’d been crying. And it was obvious why.

The dress was adorable. It fit around his waist, and it cascaded down his legs, and he looked exactly how everyone had imagined him in a dress. Adorable.

“It looks great.”

“Grandma always said when I would try on her dresses, ‘if it doesn’t make you burst into tears, it’s not the right one.’” Ethan giggled. “I guess this is the right one!”

“I guess so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, so since you’ve read this, should i start a new thing after this? maybe a high school AU? i have a plan in mind and i think itd be fun.


	9. 9. It’s Our Wedding Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey the dress remember that i love itttrttrrtrrttrr also this is based off of my friend’s parents’ wedding because they are the true otp

Mr. Nestor was standing in the mirror with his youngest son, smiling as he zipped up the back of the light blue dress.

“You really like it, dad?”

“Mhm.” His father nodded, leaning his chin on his shoulder. “You look... like yourself. Even if your mother doesn’t agree.”

The boy ran his hands through his temporarily dyed hair. “Think the dye was a good idea?”

“I think it matches the dress and the bouquet perfectly.”

“Thanks.”

A family member that Ethan didn’t know walked in, handing him a tangle of blue tulips and red roses.

“You boys need to hurry! First look is in about two minutes!”

“God, I don’t know, papa.”

Immediately, Ethan’s father was at his side, helping him fix the single flower that was falling out.

Ethan only called him ‘papa’ when he was on the edge of crying or hyperventilating.

“You’re fine. It’s just Mark. He literally lives for you. You should probably trust him enough to walk out in a dress.”

“Love you, papa.”

“Love you, too, Ethan.”

-

It took Mark way too long to finally say something and Ethan to turn around. When he did, Mark was crying.

“You look so pretty.”

“You do, too, babe,” Ethan threw his hand out and snorted tearfully. “Is this actually happening?”

“Yes, it is, and you better believe I’m documenting every second of it,” Felix yelled from behind Andrew.

-

Later, at dinner, Ethan pretty much felt like collapsing. And throwing up. And staying up all night with Mark to binge watch those pesky two seasons of Supernatural that they’d never gotten the time to finish.

Tyler, Amy, Kathryn, Felix, Sean, Tyler, Andrew, Ethan’s dad, and Momiplier were all sharing the big table with Mark and Ethan.

“Hey, Ethan, you want some?” Sean asked, holding up a cup that Ethan could only assume was alcohol. Just the idea of that made his head swim.

“No, because Mark doesn’t drink.”

Jack shrugged and took turns with Andrew drinking.

“You know, what did we really expect to happen?” Mark laughed, watching with a look of amusement on his face. “We’re going to have to deal with two very drunk men.”

“That’s for sure.”

-

“Ow!” Mark exlaimed with a chuckle, this being the fifth time that Ethan had stepped on Mark’s feet in this dance. He had chaged into a shorter dress, this one only going down to his knees.

“Sorry, sorry,” Ethan stuck his tongue out and danced stiffly, staring down at his feet to make sure he didn’t step on Mark’s feet.

“Hey, hey, look up here,” Mark pushed Ethan’s chin up. “Breathe. Everything’s a lot easier when you breathe.”

Ethan took a few exaggerated breaths.

“Okay. Now, just sway,” Mark started to shift slowly to the beat of the song.

_Wise men say, only fools rush in..._

“See? Easy.”

_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_

“Thank you.”

_If I can’t help falling in love with you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more fluff chapters after this, then a sorta angsty chapter ;)) it might have something to do with the dress just sayin


	10. 10. You’re Really Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> where is the a l b u m

Ethan woke up with a cough.

Great. Caught the Pax Plague again.

Might as well just call himself the Pax Plague.

He knew he probably wouldn’t make it to the bathroom without either wetting himself or projectile vomiting, so he reached over and grabbed his phone.

‘mark come get me im sick stuck in bed have to pee and i feel like throwing up’

He groaned, curling into himself around his pillow and biting his fist. 

This. Sucks.

“Ethan?!” Mark could be heard right outside his door, throwing his things into the floor. “Ethan, can I come in?”

“Ye-” Ethan burped, and then Mark came in too late and there were so many bodily fluids...

“Shoot, come on, let’s take a shower.”

After a few painful moments walking to the shower, Ethan wasn’t sure he could support his own weight anymore.

“Yeah, let’s take a bath, then.”

-

After a few more hours of absolute pain and horror, Mark finally made the good decision to go to the store and get Ethan some cough medicine and some blankets and tea and just a lot of movies and music to listen to when he was trying to sleep.

Ethan loved his husband so much.

While Mark was gone, Ethan decided to record a video on his phone.

“What is up my Cranky Crew?” Ethan rasped, shaking his head. “God, that didn’t help the headache.

“Uh, anyway, I’m super duper sick! So that’s real great.” Ethan coughed roughly. “Gotta edit all this coughing out.

“I was gonna record a ton ‘a videos to help with all the time that I was going to rest after Pax, but the stupid Plague got me and now... yeah!”

Ethan rubbed his scalp. “Now, Mark’s out at the store buying blankets and tea and stuff like that. Maybe even face masks, he said. So that’s exciting.”

There was some walking next door. “So, that’s kinda all that I can actually do... for today. I feel like passing out. So, as always, love you all, stay Cranky, bye.”

-

“Honestly, why can’t my stupid legs just fold?” Ethan mumbled. “I wan...na cudd...le...” He whined and reaches out his hands for Mark, who was up cutting the tags off of the fifteen different Disney-themed fluffy blankets he’d bought.

“Hold on, just a few more seconds.”

“C’n we watch Princess Bride ‘gain?”

Mark laughed. “Sure.”

-

A little while later, Ethan stopped quoting the characters and just stared blankly at the TV. At first, Mark thought he’d fallen asleep with his eyes open.

“Ethan. Ethan?” Mark waved his hand in front of Ethan’s face. “You want to move to bed?”

“I feel like I’m gonna...” 

Before he could even say anything, Mark scooped him up and rushed him to the bathroom. This time, he made it to the toilet. After a while, Ethan collapsed back onto Mark.

“Let’s go to bed now.”

-

Ethan was made into a TMNT burrito and then Mark laid next to Ethan.

“I love you,” Ethan mumbled, completely out of it.

“Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes that was a twenty one pilots reference


	11. 11. I Want To Crossdress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones pretty long

Ethan didn't really know he liked it until that day in high school. 

His friend had painted his nails pink, and when she did, he felt so powerful and amazing and pretty and he felt like... himself.

So, he began painting his nails constantly, either white or clear. It just made him feel good.

And, ever since the wedding, he just wanted to wear dresses and short shorts and off the shoulder tops and sweaters...

He didn't want to be a girl. He just liked the clothes and the makeup.

He knew he was a guy. He liked being a 'he,' and having all the guy parts. It's just the clothing and makeup because it made him feel powerful.

And he didn't know what to say to Mark.

-

Ethan was shopping. On his own. In the makeup section.

There had been the whole, 'Hey, I'm going out,' 'Okay, cool,' conversation.

He had his phone out, texting Pam, asking what he should get. She was really the only person he'd told so far.

She recommended something basic, just some grey nail polish and some women's skinny jeans. At least until he told his friends.

"Can I help you, sir?" A kid about 17 with a matted black undercut tied up in a messy nearly man bun and all grey clothes under their blue Walmart cape asked in a gravely voice.

"Uh... um-maybe?" Ethan mentally slapped himself. "I'm looking for some clothes. Preferably ones that are easy to hide."

"Crossdressing?" Ethan flushed. "Don't worry. This ain't my first time. Name's Titan. I crossdress as well."

"Cool. Can you help me?"

After spending a few minutes with Titan looking through the shorts, skirts, and some cute tops, and picking out a few, Ethan thanked them.

"No problem. You seemed cool enough to help." Titan realized the ring on the boy's ring finger. "Who's the lucky one?"

"Oh, uh..." Ethan smiled at the thought of Mark, before his heart sank and he realized that he'd forgotten tonight was movie night. "I'm five minutes late. Shoot. I got to go!"

-

"Hey, Ethan! I've got Supernatural on, wanna come watch?" Mark yelled from the living room.

"In a minute!" Ethan shoved his bag of items under his bed and sprinted downstairs. "Okay, I'm ready to get super fat with you."

"Good, because we are in for quite the ride."

-The Next Day-

All Ethan wanted to do was try on some of his new clothes. But it'd all have to wait.

Even just knowing that they were there, available to him, made his skin itch. Why couldn't he just tell Mark and finally be comfortable?!

"Hey, Ethan?" Tyler walked in. Since Mark was gone signing some papers that had something to do with their adoption, he was the only other person in the house.

"Yes?" God, that was hardly even a squeak.

"I'm going out to the store, see you in a bit."

As soon as the door clicked closed, Ethan dove under his bed and ripped open the bag.

He pulled his pants down, awkwardly tripping over the seams of his pants.

Why were his hands shaking so badly?

The first pair of shorts was simple enough; just some blue jeans that were cut off at above mid-thigh.

"I can't try these on out here," Ethan thought out loud. "Shoot, that was out loud."

In the bathroom, he stepped his feet into the leg holes. The blue fabric pulled on his skin as he pulled them up to his waist.

Immediately, he knew he belonged in these shorts.

Hurriedly, he ran out and grabbed a hooded crop top, just a simple grey thing with rips down the sleeves.

He couldn't get enough of himself. He stood in the mirror, admiring that small strip of pale skin showing between the crop top and the shorts.

He was so distracted that he didn't hear the door open and close.

Mark was walking upstairs now, and Ethan didn't even know. Mark hopes on scaring his husband.

When he walked in, Ethan saw his reflection in the mirror and near passed out.

"Mark?!" he screamed, turning around and pulling the shorts. "This... I-I know what this looks like and it isn't... this isn't..."

"Hey, hey, hey, Ethan."

"No, no, I'm sorry, this was really dumb. I need to take these back." Ethan started to sob and shove the clothes he wasn't currently wearing into the ripped-up bag. "I need to take these back."

"Ethan-"

"No, I'll go back to the store now."

Mark caught Ethan by the arm. "Wait."

The tears were coming out at full force now.

"Honey, stop crying." Mark embraced Ethan, rubbing his hands through the distressed boy's hair. "Why are you crying?"

"'Cause now you know. Now you know I like weird things like dresses and crop tops and-and..." Ethan sniffled. "Now you're gonna not like me anymore."

Mark laughed lightly. "Baby boy," he whispered, pushing him back so he could look him in the eye. "Of course I still like you. You're adorable."

"Really?"

"Yeah. How about we try on these other clothes and we'll go shopping again tomorrow?"

"Anywhere?"

"Anywhere." Mark rubbed Ethan's shoulder. "Oh, and Ethan?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna get a puppy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i deleted it. i know. i just don’t think the characters are ready for children yet. not while they’re still children themselves. don’t worry, the next one will be out soon :) in the meantime, love you all, byee


	12. 12. We’re Going’s Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for homophobia

TW: homophobia!

——

"Mark, I don't want to do this anymore," Ethan whined, being dragged by Mark into random stores. "Mark, stop. What if people see?! I haven't even talked to any of my fans about this!"

"Look," Mark turned his small husband to face him. "Don't be so stupid. You're fine. Half of your fans cross dress, too, you know."

Ethan shrugged. Just because someone was most likely going to accept you doesn't mean it's easy to break it to them.

He was still dragged into the mall. He glanced out at the parking lot. 'That car looks familiar. And it's from Maine.' His jaw dropped.

"Mark, that's my mom's-my mom is here?!" He yelled, jerking Mark back when he stopped. "My mom is here, Mark."

"What?"

"Yes. Look." Mark followed Ethan's finger to the car.

"Oh." Mark frowned. "Well, I'm not letting her ruin this for you. You like it, and she shouldn't care. It's not her choice, and it's not even mine. It's yours. So, do you want to go in, or no?"

Ethan opened his mouth to answer, but he was cut off by a person screaming.

"Are you Ethan?!"

"Yeah," Ethan squeaked. "Yeah, sorry, I don't know what it was that my voice just did."

"Yeah, uh, if you don't mind or anything, could we get a picture?" He brushed his hair out of his face, and that's when Ethan looked down at his clothing.

He was wearing a pink and white striped crop-top and short-shorts.

"Uh, hello?" The boy's face and voice were wavering, as if he were uncomfortable. He tried to pull his shorts down a tiny bit.

"Oh! Wait, no, yeah. Sorry, I was just..." Ethan looked down at the bracelet wrapped around his wrist. "I was just thinking about something."

"Oh, okay."

—

Ethan was practically bouncing off the walls by the time they were done shopping. He was so bored and hungry and his ADHD was not helping right now.

"Hey, Ethan," Mark pulled Ethan's arm and dragged him to the side. "We need to leave."

"What, why—"

Ethan heard a familiar voice ringing across the mall. He cringed.

"Come on."

Ethan ducked his head and Mark pulled his hood on, pushing through the crowd of people. Mark could feel the boy's heartbeat in his hands.

"You're okay."

Somehow, he didn't really believe it.

The two managed to get to the shoe outlet and ducked inside. The people looked confused, and then she burst through the door.

"Ethan!" She smiled, wrapping her cold arms around Ethan, who was half blinded by the tears in his eyes. "I've missed you!"

"Mom, I-I..."

Mark squeezed Ethan's hand.

"Ethan, why don't you, uh... introduce me?" The icy tone in her voice was back, and this time sharper than ever.

"We have to leave, Mrs. Nestor, I'm sorry..."

An acrylic nail was stabbing into Mark's arm now, forcing him to twist in place and face the woman that had put his husband through hell.

"You must be Mark, right?" She smiled. "You're the one that did this to my son."

Her hands ripped through Ethan's bags, spilling the girly clothes onto the floor for everyone to see. He hiccuped.

"You're the one who inspired this mess."

A worker walked up to them. "Ma'am, we're going to have to ask you to leave, you're upsetting the other customers."

"I'm upsetting them?!" she screamed. "I'm upsetting them?! Not my son and his—" the word made Ethan cringe, "—boyfriend?! He's a freak! A freak! He's going to hell, and it's all this guys fault."

"Mom!" Ethan cried. "Mom, stop. I don't care! I don't care if I'm damned to hell, I don't care! I just want to be with Mark, don't you get that?"

She seemed to be stunned. Someone took the chance to grab her and take her outside, still screaming terrible words at them.

"God damn it!" Ethan yelled, collapsing onto the floor.

"Ethan..." Mark rubbed Ethan's back while he cried. "We're safe now."

"Hey, do you want some help, Mark?" A girl kneeled and began to pick up clothes.

"Hey, let me." Another person cane over.

A group of people came over and began comforting Ethan. Mark could hear the phones being turned off; of course people were recording. They always did.

The people ga(y)ther around them. Ethan felt safe, like he had a shield.

His fans were his shield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m back mcbitch


	13. 13. You’re Exhausted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this ones hella short though sorry

"Mark," Ethan sighed, "I'm sorry."

Mark winced when Ethan pulled the bandage too tight. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

The boy shrugged and pinned it in place. "I kinda feel like it is. You're hurt, and if I would've just said no to you, then you wouldn't be."

"Ethan," Mark groaned. "Ethan, you adorable idiot. It wasn't your fault, and it isn't, and it won't ever be. It's just that your mom is deciding to be stupid, that's all."

"Do you think she'll ever come around?" Ethan stifled a yawn.

"Maybe, maybe not." His hand caught Ethan when he nearly fell. "You're tired."

"No I'm not!" Ethan whined, but he collapsed onto Mark. "I'm not tired. Not at all!"

He squeaked when Mark picked him up.

"We are going to bed."

"No!"

"We'll do something fun tomorrow. I've got a trip planned." Mark brushed his hand over Ethan's cheek. "Just sleep."

Ethan flapped his hands. "Is my skin clearing up?"

"Yeah. Now sleep."


	14. 14. You’re Having Nightmares (And So Is He)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tickle my pickle

"Hey, Ethan, are you packed yet?"

Ethan frantically shoved some random clothes into his bag. "Uh, not really!"

"Hey, hey, wait," Mark pushed Ethan's arms down. "Let me help you."

"No, you don't have to—"

"Ethan," Mark mumbled. He hated it when Ethan got like this. "Ethan, yes, I do. I will help you right now, whether you like it or not."

He sighed and tried to contain his feelings. Why did he feel so goddamn useless?

——

"Hey, guys!" Mark waved into a camera. Ethan pulled his shorts down just a tad, feeling kind of self-conscious. "Say hi, Ethan!"

Ethan waved. The smile on his face was fake. That bothered Mark.

"Okay, so, we are on our way to ride one of the most intense roller-coasters ever." Mark wrapped his arm around Ethan's shoulder. "Or maybe not. It's only a few 2 hour flights. No biggie."

"Yeah," Ethan's smile grew a little more genuine. "The flights are going to be better than the ride."

"Yeah. Anyways, it's in Idaho, so if any of y'all are going to Silverwood, see you there! Legit just like come up..."

"Come up and just say hi. We want to see you!" Ethan laughed. "We will find you if you do not."

"... You sound so creepy!"

"I do not!"

——

Ethan stretched his leg out. "Why do airplanes let people lean back? I was smooshed the whole time."

"Yeah, it did get kind of annoying." Tyler yawned, stretching across Ethan. "The guy in front of you, though, he was terrible."

"I just want to fall asleep." Ethan whined, shoving his head into the pillow. "I'm so exhausted."

"Then sleep. But I'm braiding your hair whether you like it or not," Tyler mumbled, twisting his friends hair. 

Mark, after a while of scrolling through his phone, eventually flopped down on top of Tyler. "Can I mess with your hair?"

"Sure."

Mark started to run his hands through Tyler's curly hair. Was this weird? Probably to anyone else, but to them?

Nah.

This reminded him of high school, those times that they'd spent skipping class. Most times, they'd lie and say they were going to get some water or go to the bathroom.

Mark saw Tyler's head start to droop, so he just laughed gently and lay his head down.

"Mark," Tyler said suddenly, still sleepily trying to figure out how he'd messed up on Ethan's hair. "Mark, I'm tired."

"I know!" Mark laughed, rolling off of him. "Sleep. Don't worry, I'll unpack for you guys."

"M'kay."

——

Ethan woke up in a cold sweat. The image swam in his head; Tyler, Mark, Sean, Amy, Kathryn, everyone, lying on the ground, dead. He tried to blink it away, but the more he blinked the clearer it became.

And, to make it worse, it was all his fault.

Ethan looked around. Where was Tyler? Wasn't he here when he fell asleep?

Maybe he moved, but that wasn't important. He just needed to see them.

"Mark?" Ethan yelped. He could've sworn he just saw something move. "Mark!"

"Ethan?!" Mark walked into the room, and Tyler could be seen, sitting in a ball on the couch, watching TV. "What's wrong?"

"I had a-a..." Ethan just stared at Mark. "Adults aren't supposed to get nightmares."

"What are you talking about?" Mark giggled, lying down next to him. "Ethan, don't tell Tyler I told you this, but do you know why he got up?"

"Stone-faced Tyler?" Ethan gulped.

"Yeah, stone-faced Tyler."

Ethan leaned into Mark and whined. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be lots of silverwood because that place is the equivalent of my entire aesthetic


	15. 15. We’re Going’s To A Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet

"Okay, so we go to Main Street first, because it's there. Then we go to..." Mark was mumbling to himself, staring at the paper he held in his hands.

"That's not Main Street, that's this one." Amy pointed out.

"Hey, how about you, uh, shut up?" Mark joked.

"Guys, I'm kinda hungry." Ethan's face flushed when everyone looked at him.

"Okay, so we eat first?" Everyone looked at each other. "Or... wait... should we eat before we go on rides or after?"

"Well, today we're going on the low intensity rides, then tomorrow, medium, then Friday, it's intense. But when do we go to the water park?" Kathryn asked.

"Saturday."

"Oh." She shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

——

They stopped at the Pizzaria to eat, since Ethan was starving and bouncing on his toes, complaining literally the whole way there.

"My feet already hurt!" Ethan whined. "I'm hungry, are we almost there?"

"Ethan, seriously, we're not even that far from it, just hold your horses," Tyler patted his friend on the back.

After they quickly ate, Amy and Kathryn went on their own to ride the ferris wheel while Tyler, Mark, and Ethan decided to go on the Carousel.

"Tyler, look! There's a red horse, I've got to ride the red horse!" He grabbed at Mark's hand. "Mark, ya gotta ride the horse with me!"

"Ethan, your tiring me out," Mark sighed, letting Ethan pull him to the carousel.

The smile on his face was the main reason why Mark was putting up with him.

——

"Amy!" Ethan shrieked, dragging everyone over to the bumper boats. It was getting dark, and the sun was setting, and it made the water look pretty, and they just had to do it!

"Okay, fine, this is the last game and then we're going to the stores," Tyler said as everyone cheered and ran towards the dock. Not many people were in line since it was dark.

"Ethan, you've had way too much sugar." Mark pressed Ethan's shoulders down so he'd stop bouncing.

"It smells like sweat," Kathryn complained, tugging the life jacket on.

"Come on, don't be a party pooper."

——

Mark yelled when Ethan shot him with the water gun. "Ethan, I will murder you, child!"

"No, you won't, I am the bumper boats master!" Ethan giggled, riding behind the bridge and shooting some random girl with his merch on. "Oh, sorry!"

Water hit the back of his head, and he spun around to see Kathryn smiling evilly.

"Kathryn!" Ethan laughed.

"Okay, everyone bring your boats back to the dock! Don't spray the dock!"

——

"I'm c-cold!" Ethan whined. His shirt was sticking to him, and he held his arms out so it would dry faster. "M-Ma-rk, I'm-m cold."

Mark yelped as Ethan pressed his wet hair into his chest. He was freezing.

"Hey, Tyler, Ethan's actually really cold. We need to get him a towel." Kathryn said, feeling the back of Ethan's neck.

"Okay, hold on."

Ethan whined. He was cold now, and he just wanted to go to the hotel and watch TV. 

"You're okay."

——

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the heccin shit ending i rushed it because school


	16. 16. We’re Going To A (Water) Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet yeet

“Honestly, Ethan, we’ve got to at least ride one damn slide!”

Ethan’s legs were shaking as he stared up at the giant slides.

“B-but... they’re so big,” he whined, making Tyler sigh. “I swear, these slides will kill me! What if I fly out the side, or I fall off the tube and snap my neck, or-or—”

“Oh, my god. You’re not going to die.” Mark put his arm around Ethan’s shoulders comfortingly. “Come on, at least ride the racing ones. You won’t have to ride with strangers, it’ll just be us.”

The smaller boy turned his shaky head towards the large group of slides. “Okay.”

——

Ethan stood at the top of the world and he felt...

Like he was about to freaking die. He was going to fall off of this damn platform and fall to his death.

He knew he shouldn’t have done this, he should have stayed in the lazy river, he should be on the ground, not about to die.

“Hey, how big is your group?” The man counted off me, Mark, Amy, Kathryn, and Tyler. “That’s five. Any groups of one?!”

“Me!” A shirt girl bounded up the stairs, her mat towering above her head. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Tyler waved, then turned to Ethan. “I’m totally going to beat you.”

“Yeah, right,” Ethan attempted to joke, but his voice was so shaky that the whole thing came out as more of a question.

“Hey, we’re not gonna die. You’re fine,” Mark whispered into Ethan’s ear. “I’m sorry for dragging you up here. But you’re okay.”

“I don’t wanna go alone,” Ethan whined. “I wanna go with you.”

“Ethan, we can’t do that. This is for one person each.”

“Ugh,” Ethan groaned.

“Okay, everyone choose a slide,” the man said, making Ethan whine.

“Hey, go on the corner one,” Mark said. “They join at the end. I’ll be right next to you during the scary part.”

“No!” Ethan whined. “I don’t wanna—”

“Ethan...” Mark sighed. “Fine.”

Ethan squeezed Mark’s hand and waited...

And waited...

And...

The light turned green and everyone was going, including Ethan. There was water in his face and he couldn’t see, he couldn’t see, he didn’t like that, he wanted to see...

His knee scratched on the bottom and he could feel the skin scrape of layer by layer. He yelped, pulled his knee up, and felt it.

“Ow, why did I do that?!” Ethan winced.

Soon enough, the tunnel opened up and he felt like he was free falling. Usually, the nightmare would end here, but he closed his eyes, opened them, and still was on the slide, so this must be real.

He skidded across the water then stopped. As soon as he got up, he looked down and saw the blood on his knee and started crying.

“Ethan!” Mark yelled, running over to his pained husband. Turns out he was right about the slide thing. “Ethan, come on, let’s go.”

“Ow,” Ethan moaned through his sobs. “It hurts.”

“I know, I know,” Mark sighed. “Hey, do you know where we could get bandages?”

The guard pointed them to another guard, this one wearing a first aid kit.

They rushed over, blood trickling down Ethan’s leg and staining the floor.

“Do you happen do have bandages?”

——

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Tyler said sheepishly as they walked—well, most of them, since Mark was giving a tired Ethan a piggy-back ride.

“It’s okay, Tyler,” Ethan mumbled, cheek squished against Mark’s shoulder. “Hey, Mar’, since it’s our last day, we get to shop, right?”

“Yes, my love,” Mark smiled when he felt Ethan smile against his back.

“Hey, let’s stop here,” Amy said, pointing at the candy store. “We’ve gotta get candy.”

“Okay. You each get an allowance of 35 dollars in here.”

“YEET!” Tyler screamed, running into the store like a maniac.

“Mark, can I get chocolate?” Ethan asked politely.

“Yeah, what kind?” Mark gestured to the many types of chocolate.

“Just milk chocolate. Read the labels for me?”

“Oh, I forgot about that,” Mark mumbled. He remembered a sign in the front that said not peanut free. Crap. “Uh, sorry, lovely, but I don’t think that they have anything that’s peanut free.”

“Oh,” Ethan mumbled. “Oh well.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll buy you a ton of sweets when we get home,” Mark rubbed the back of Ethan’s hand.

“Thanks,” Ethan smiled.

——

Ethan played with the strings of his new, really big hoodie that said Silverwood on the front. He felt really comfortable, especially since he was wearing his pink and purple pajama shorts and he had his pink socks on. He was too tired to wear anything else.

“Hey, Ethan, I’m home,” Mark yelled, muffled by the impossible amount of chocolate, flowers, ice cream, and pizza he had in his arms.

“Markle-Sparkle!” Ethan squealed, pecking him on the cheek and grabbing some of the pile. “What’s this?”

“Well, since you’re hurt and we can’t go anywhere, I did promise you that I’d buy you sweets. Plus I assumed you’d want to cuddle and watch Voltron as badly as I do.”

“Yes,” Ethan beamed, hugging Mark. “You’re the best.”

“You’re more excited for this than you were when I proposed.”

“Now there’s food involved!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry


	17. 17. Jack’s Back, And Maybe For Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied abuse

"Ethan," Sean whispered into the phone. "Ethan, I have to leave Ireland. I have to leave right now, or soon."

"Why? Where are you?" Ethan wondered, putting his bowl of ramen down on the table. "Do you need money to travel? I have money, I'll buy you the ticket."

"Yeah, yeah..." Sean's voice was shaking. "My ma, she's... she's awake. I need to go. Hold on just a few..."

Ethan sat on the couch and listened as Sean crawled out the window and jumped off the roof to the ground. "Okay, I'm going to the park."

“Okay. What happened, Sean?”

“Don’t call me that,” he snapped, then sighed. “Sorry, just please, don’t call me that. She used that name and I don’t wanna...”

“I get it, Jack.” Ethan corrected himself and placed his bowl of ramen on the counter. “So, what happened?”

“Uh, she was up at my house and she was looking through my stuff and, uh... she found some stuff and she got real mad, and then she burned my suitcase and she locked me in my house and I’m starving because I haven’t eaten since breakfast yesterday—” Jack’s breath hitched. “I want to go home.”

“Jack, that is no longer your home. Okay?” Ethan began to walk to Mark’s room, the ramen left, forgotten. “Me and Mark are gonna figure something out, okay?”

“I don’t wanna fly alone.”

“You won’t have to,” Ethan knocked on Mark’s door, even though he heard some yelling that implied he was recording. “Mark, open up! It’s Jack!”

“What do you mean? Don’t you mean Sean? What’s happened?” Mark asked, Dream Daddy on his monitor. “Is he in trouble?”

“Yeah, we need to fly him out here.” Ethan covered the microphone with his hand. “I’ll go on the way there, He doesn’t want to fly alone.”

“Okay, yeah,” Mark nodded, “Except one thing. Where are we gonna get tickets?”

“Look, I don’t know, but Jack’s got no money and he’s hungry and alone, and J don’t know about you but doesn’t that sound pretty terrible?” Usually it’d be Mark saying something like that, which is why he was surprised.

“Yeah. Of course. I’ll go and look at it and book you two a flight.

——

“Jack!” Ethan yelled out, seeing his friend sitting on the bench and looking very lonely. “Dude, you’ve lost weight...”

“I know. I haven’t... I, uh...” Jack sniffled. “I’ve been going through a bit of a-a rough patch and I’ve been eating... pretty much just soup...”

Ethan refrained from cooing. Honestly, what was it that made his mother hate him so much? How could you hate such a small face?

“Well, you won’t have to worry about buying anything, me and Mark will take care of ya,” Ethan smiled, wrapping his arms around Jack. Jack flinched heavily, nearly falling off of the bench. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s not your fault.” Jack’s face trembled, then he was pressed against Ethan’s chest, sobbing his eyes out.

“Sh, sh, you’re okay, you’re safe.” Ethan rubbed Jack’s hair comfortingly. “You’re safe. We’ve got you.”

——

“Mark?” Ethan called quietly, trying to let Jack sleep. He was carrying his friend, mostly because Jack was so exhausted he pretty much passed out after his little anxiety attack. “Mark, open the door, please.”

The door opened and Mark rushed Ethan inside. Ethan set Jack down on the couch.

He looked up. The bowl of ramen was still sitting on the counter.

“I’ll go get his bags unpacked,” Mark whispered, patting Ethan on the back. “You did good.”

“I don’t feel like it. If I’d just... been there for him, answering his texts, maybe I would’ve realized before it got this bad, before he—”

“Ethan,” Mark scolded. “No.”

“I’m sorry.”


	18. 18. We’re Doing A Skit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack isn’t going to come out for a while

You know, Ethan loves skits and all, but when Mark decided they were going to do a more serious one, Ethan was nervous.

He just wasn't a serious person! He'd never hesitate to crack a joke to answer a serious question. And he was pretty sure Mark dies in this one.

"Okay, when we get there, I need Mark to go into the bathroom and I'll be standing outside," Amy said. "Then we'll introduce his character, my character, and Mark's character. The rest come later."

"The bathroom will be dirty, but so is your suit, so don't be afraid to lean on the sink."

The storyline went something like this; Mark's character has chronic depression and he is being watched by Amy. He ends up in the attic at his house, where he dies in Amy’s arms.

Long story short, Mark died in the first few scenes.

"Hey, does Mark really have to die?" Ethan whined. "I don't want to have to do that scene."

"Suck it up," Amy joked. "But yes, he does have to die."

Ethan leaned his head onto Mark's shoulder. "Love you, Mark."

"I love you too.”

“Promise you’ll never die?”

“Sure.”

——

Mark leaned his arms onto the sink. Amy was calling for him outside of the thick, grimy bathroom door.

“Mark, are you ready to go?” Amy called. Mark splashed his face with a little of the dirty water and then continued to rub his hands on it, trying to get some feeling back.

“Yes,” Mark mumbled, pushing the door open. Amy gave him a small smile and pushed herself off of the wall. She played with a bracelet that hung off of her pale wrist. Mark couldn’t help but stare.

“Okay,” she whispered, her breath hitting his face. Suddenly, Mark was pulled back into Mark Mode and he heard Tyler yell cut.

“That was great!” Tyler grinned. “Ethan, you were recording, right?”

“You better have been,” Mark joked. He wrapped his arm around Jack. “Why can’t our characters like each other?”

“Because, the pain of two people who are friends with each other hating each other is more realistic,” Kathryn smiled. “Otherwise all acting is is ‘Anger! Surprise! And anger!’”

“Okay, okay.” Mark swung on his feet. “Next is the stairs scene, right?”

——

After a few more shots, the decided to go to the building where their characters lived. It was about the same size as the gas station whose bathroom he’d been in. And in the same condition, too.

“Okay, Ethan, You’re sitting behind the box back there while Mark walks up to talk to his mom.” 

On the wall, a picture of Mark’s adorable mom was hung on the wall. They were going to have Mark’s mom sit where the picture would be during some shots, so he’d be talking like he was having a conversation.

“Okay, places!” Tyler was enjoying his director job way too much. “Go!”

“Hey, mom,” Mark sat down, staring longingly at the picture that hung on the wall. “So, I had another panic attack today.

“I know you don’t like it when I talk to you about this kind of stuff, but I just wanted to tell you...” Mark wiped his mouth. “I ran out of medication last week. I can’t afford it.

“I don’t know if you care, or if I’ll make it to tomorrow, because things are really hard.” The man hiccuped and ran his hand through his hair. “Things are really, really hard, and I feel way too bad to actually survive anymore.

“I’m not even living, I’m just floating. I’m just...” Mark leaned his forehead onto the wall directly below the photo. “I’m not living anymore.”

“Cut!” Tyler screamed, cheering. Mark sobbed and laughed at the same time, so Ethan rushed over and embraced him tightly. 

“Ethan,” Mark sobbed.

“Mark, you did so good!” Ethan smiled. “You did so good!”

“Ethan,” Mark repeated, burying his face into Ethan’s hair. Ethan’s brow furrowed, but he ignored it. 

‘We’ll have a very long and meaningful conversation about hiding our feelings tomorrow,’ Ethan thought to himself. ‘Probably a lot of angst. Probably fanfiction material type stuff.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s all gross


	19. 19. You’re In a Bad Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeet
> 
> TW for suicide

It had been seven days since Mark had been seen out of his room. The last person to see him was Jack, who'd caught him in the middle of the night talking to Chica and his mom. So I guess it's his mom who saw him last. 

Ethan wasn't counting on seeing him today, but I guess the odds were counting against his thoughts again.

Mark flopped down onto Ethan's bed. His hair was greasy and disgusting and he smelled repulsive, but at least he was here.

"Hi," Ethan said. "It's been a while, Mark."

"I'm sorry." Mark mumbled. "It's just... something came up with... with my fans and Daniel and I didn't want to see him die, but they think I did." Mark shoved his head into Ethan's chest and shook with his sobs.

"Mark," Ethan's voice cracked, but he decided on not crying. "What happened to him wasn't your fault."

Mark just continued to sob. Ethan pats his back. "Not your fault."

"I know, I miss him," Mark whines. "I miss him with... everything. I-I'd kill myself to see him again."

"Woah." Ethan stopped dead in his tracks. "Mark, you gotta promise me to not do that, please."

"I can't make promises I can't keep, Ethan," Mark pulled his hair. "I don't know if I wouldn't. I probably would."

"Mark." Ethan turned Mark to face him. "Mark. You will not kill yourself. You know how upset Daniel would be if you if you did that?! He'd be... he'd be pissed!"

"I'm sorry," Mark's lower lip trembled.

"No, Mark, don't cry. You just can't say stuff like that." Ethan dragged his thumb across Mark's cheek. "You can't say that. Got it?"

"Yeah," Mark let out a small laugh that was full of tears. "I get it. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Let's go take a shower."

——

Mark leaned onto the smaller boy that was massaging shampoo into his scalp.

"Do you think that Daniel's in heaven?" Mark mumbled. "Do you think he's happy?"

"I don't know," Ethan said, and honestly, he didn't. "I don't know if I believe in heaven."

"I feel like I have to." Mark closed his eyes for a moment. "I feel like I have to have something to fall back on."

"Yeah, but does it have to be heaven?" Ethan sighed. "It could just be a cafe, or a school, or a business tower where all the dead people work and play and live."

"I guess," Mark sighed. "Wherever he is, I hope he sees my dog."

"I hope he sees mine, too," Ethan sniffled.

"It's just nice to know that he could be up there, sipping some water, waiting for us to come up and hang out with him," Mark stepped under the water and let the soap rinse from his hair. "I just hope he's happy."

"Me, too."


	20. hey A/N

so, yet again, i’m lost at what to write here. i’m going to put this story on hold while i work on another story on my wattpad. (LOOK ME UP! IM YABOIFINN AND YOU’LL KNOW IF YOUSEE THE SMALL LEMON BOY!)

bye! 

if you could it’d be helpful to comment some ideas??


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